Dear Diary: This is me...

Dear Diary: This is me…


‘The Hand and Voice’ Poem

The Hand and Voice
Azmaria Dei Post
30 May 2011

The depths of this pit falling before me
Sucking me down into this despair
This despair of darkness all alone
Alone with no hand to reach for
Reaching towards a blue sky unseen
Unseen and nearly forgotten as I sink
Sinking further into the depths deep
The inky depths so long and dark
The darkness so deep and crushing
Crushing my soul that yearns to be
To be free and to fly with wings
Wings now crushed and dying under
Under the weight of the nightmare
This nightmare that refuses to relent
A relentless assault of deprivation
Depriving me of light and my dreams
My dreams now dark and empty
The emptiness fills me and is heavy
Heavy like lead holding me down
Down into the depths of my soul
My soul forgetting the good things
Good things forgotten and lost to me
I sink deeper wanting to reach for help
But help is not there as I can’t reach
Reaching for that help that I can’t see
See as my limbs into despair are driven
Driving me down into hopelessness
Hopelessly falling down this blackness

But lo… What is this? A hand and a word?
A word that I can barely hear now so faint
Faintly calling to me and saying to me
Az, you are special. Please come back to us.
We miss you and want to see you here.
Here I rest sedentary and crying motionless
Moving slowly I think about the voice and hand
Dare I hope? Dare I reach for it? Dare I imagine?
Imagine the light I once beheld and the skies
The skies I once flew in with my dreams
My dreams… so long have I dreamed…
Dreams shattered and crushed I let go
And went into this pit of despair so deep
So deep I could live without dreams uncrushed
Uncrushed by the world that knows me not
Not because I lost faith in the world
Because the world I live in has no place
No place for one such as I as I am here
Here I am not me and am not allowed
Not allowed to reach for my dreams
My dreams of being complete and whole
Wholly myself and as I should be
Being the goal of my childhood dreams
Dreams so faint now, yet I remember
I remember them as they persist within me
My heart starting to beat once more
More life and hope yet again building
Building to fade again in this never ending cycle

Az


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