My boss had a party/BBQ at his place and invited me over. Being the upstanding person I’ve always tried to pretend to be, I went. I even brought a mini keg of Heineken I had sitting in my fridge.
So I show up fashionably late, tap the keg, get offered all sorts of food and go sit on the back porch and listen to people and make a few comments now and then. It was getting harder and harder though, as they kept making comments that just reminded me of things I just want to let go of and forget. Nothing against them at all, I just can’t cope with that sort of atmosphere. I almost lost it several times.
Eventually, a good friend of mine showed up – she seemed to be holding in there about as well as I was, but she was there with one of my other bosses and seeing her there with him doing his thing and with the horde of kids and the prior comments… I snuck out the back door, walked away, got in my car, and just broke down crying. I can’t take it anymore. Pretending to be someone I’m not only because society says I have to is crushing me more and more every time I have to do it. And now I sit here barely holding my tears in well enough to see the screen as I type.