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Poetry

Cut

Tender threads falling graceful
Flowing freely across the skin
Silk caresses alabaster
Soft kisses against ears
Gentle breeze rustles silently
Smooth lines reflecting
Shine and gloss pervades

Steel invades and parts
Slicing delicately through
Tender threads falling free
Followed by a stream
Slashing and cutting silk
Clearing away beauty
Gentle kisses lost to steel

Az

3 replies on “Cut”

Ithink this is one of your best ones yet. Mind you, I really can FEEl what a ahircut would be like and I shudder! I would love to see this polished. Consider the line breaks- don’t be tied into a sentence structure or prose phrasing. The FORM means a lot to a poem. As the hair is falling, here’s a good opportunity to make the form mimic the words: Also consider any word you could replace with another that will add alliteration “threads dropping” and finally, poets SHOW so don’t need a lt of adjectives, yeah? And especially adverbs. Here is MY edit (which I hope you do not think me too bold to offer … but I love this poem)

Tender
threads
dropping

freely
flowing
across
the skin

Silk caresses alabaster
Soft kisses
against ears

gentle breeze
rustles
smooth lines reflect
shine and gloss

Steel invades and parts
Slicing delicately through
Tender threads falling free
Followed by a stream
Slashing and cutting silk
Clearing away beauty
Gentle kisses lost to steel

ooops- I hit enter when I was not finished …but you catch my drift, yeah? Awesome job, hon