Dear Diary: This is me...

Dear Diary: This is me…


Cut

Tender threads falling graceful
Flowing freely across the skin
Silk caresses alabaster
Soft kisses against ears
Gentle breeze rustles silently
Smooth lines reflecting
Shine and gloss pervades

Steel invades and parts
Slicing delicately through
Tender threads falling free
Followed by a stream
Slashing and cutting silk
Clearing away beauty
Gentle kisses lost to steel

Az

3 Responses to Cut

  1. Miriam Dunn says:

    Ithink this is one of your best ones yet. Mind you, I really can FEEl what a ahircut would be like and I shudder! I would love to see this polished. Consider the line breaks- don’t be tied into a sentence structure or prose phrasing. The FORM means a lot to a poem. As the hair is falling, here’s a good opportunity to make the form mimic the words: Also consider any word you could replace with another that will add alliteration “threads dropping” and finally, poets SHOW so don’t need a lt of adjectives, yeah? And especially adverbs. Here is MY edit (which I hope you do not think me too bold to offer … but I love this poem)

    Tender
    threads
    dropping

    freely
    flowing
    across
    the skin

    Silk caresses alabaster
    Soft kisses
    against ears

    gentle breeze
    rustles
    smooth lines reflect
    shine and gloss

    Steel invades and parts
    Slicing delicately through
    Tender threads falling free
    Followed by a stream
    Slashing and cutting silk
    Clearing away beauty
    Gentle kisses lost to steel


  • dinamic_sidebar 4 none

©2018 Azmaria's Online Diary Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS)  Raindrops Theme